WELCOME TO MY BLOG

Something I've just recently discovered: Unaccompanied popcorn gives me the rampant farts.

Consider yourself up-to-date.

SURELY I DON'T NEED MORE, DO I

I've been having immense trouble getting out of bed in a timely manner for the past three days. It's not that I'm not getting enough sleep -- I've been clocking at least eight hours a night(!). What's happening is that I've been having astoundingly vivid, immersive dreams of the sort that I typically only get when I've taken melatonin for the night. Obviously, my brain tissue has probably been generating its own; I just don't know whether I want it to stop or not. These dreams have been kind of awesome.

MAX POWER

UTCFB yesterday.

Today I am sore in places I did not know were possible to be made so, and I walk like a man drunk or nine hundred years old, or both. It was glorious.

Next: August. But first: Rest.

MINOR EXERCISE ANNOYANCE

This happens when I run: It feels like all my breathing is drying out the inside of my throat, so that sometimes when I swallow, the walls of my esophagus actually stick together briefly, threatening to trigger my gag reflex. Have you felt this before? It's no good. But I'm at a loss as far as what to do about it.

- Chew some gum? That will generate more saliva and make it easier to swallow. But I might also accidentally choke on it and die.

- Suck on some hard candy or a cough drop or something? Same problem.

- Carry a bottle of water? I am running like 1.6 miles. I think it would be nine kinds of stupid-looking to carry a bottle of water such a pitiful distance just so I can swallow comfortably.

Is there anything else I could do that I'm overlooking. What do you think.

SNACK ADVENTURE N+1

Note: "Fiery Habanero" Doritos are actually spicy. The bag does not lie.

I'd probably rather eat an entire bag of these than one chip of the "experimental" new "X-13D" flavor. Have you tried those? They're disgusting. If you haven't, but you don't want to know what they are, skip around the asterisks.

* * * SPOILER * * *

The flavor they're going for is apparently "a cheeseburger with mustard and ketchup on it." Which is nine kinds of gross, especially to me, because I like neither mustard nor ketchup.

* * * END SPOILER * * *

I might go downstairs and get an apple just to kind of balance the spicy-hot thing going on in my mouth right now.

TEMPERATURE SHIFT

The main-floor bathroom here at work is much colder than the rest of the building. Like, cold enough that it made me involuntarily say "Whoa" out loud when I first entered. I'm guessing it's that way because the ventilation system is just pouring cold air in there with much gusto, which I appreciate. Who doesn't appreciate a well-ventilated, cold bathroom? As opposed to the alternative. Which would be a hot, stanky one.

MICROPUNDITRY

Real quick-like, I'm just going to say that even though I think Adbusters is sort of ridiculous, this article may be the most correct thing I've read in a long time.

More importantly: My left earlobe has been weirdly itchy for the past 15 minutes, for no clear reason.

UNPREPARED

Did you know about this thing Reese's makes that's basically an elongated Rice Krispie treat with a layer of peanut butter on top and chocolate on the bottom? Well, if you didn't, you do now, because I just told you about them. I ate one about fifteen seconds ago and I'm not convinced it was a 100% great idea; it was nice while it lasted, but now I've got this feeling like I just put a bunch of styrofoam packing peanuts into my stomach. I probably shouldn't do that more than twice a year.

SATURDAY x3

If you're looking for a way to start off your evening this upcoming Saturday (that would be the 16th), may I suggest:

The Definite Articles

Bazaar Cafe
5927 California
7pm
Free

I'm in this band! I'm also doing the opening set, as is time-honored tradition at Bazaar. Trust me: You will not be disappointed.

INJURYMYSTERY

There's a scabbed-over vertical scratch in the upper-left corner of my forehead, roughly three hairs' width, about a centimeter in length, with a hook at one end. Honestly, it kind of looks like an Ebola virus. What did this.

Don't say Ebola.

ANOTHER BATHROOM POST

I can no longer predict which urinal is the correct one to use. There are a total of four in the building (two in each bathroom), for starters. Basically, the deal is that it seems like at least one of them in each bathroom is just a little overenthusiastic: You push the flush lever, and the thing goes for like a thousand hours (I feel bad about wasting water). Not only that, but the Forever Flush seems to move from urinal to urinal at random, like it's following me or something. It can't be following me, not really, but what if it is. What does that bode for the other fluids in my life.

NEW PHONE!

I got a new phone a few days ago after finally becoming fed up with the way I used to have to plug my old (and I do mean old) phone into its charging stand three or four times before the act finally "took." I love this new phone, but the one thing I think I should have been consulted on [haughty_cough.wav] is that the vibrate function is too ... subtle. I can't really tell when it happens, and it's not like the phone is miles away from me: It's in my pocket. I've missed some calls this way already. I think what's going to have to happen is I'm going to have to be one of those guys who has an audible ringtone, except when I'm at the movies. I am not a total savage.