ULTIMATE TEAM CARDBOARD FORTRESS BATTLE

A New Game I've Invented
(Version 2.1.2)


The general idea

Welcome. Welcome to Ultimate Team Cardboard Fortress Battle (UTCFB). The name says it all, but just in case you need more to go on, this game is a combination of:
  • Arts & crafts
  • Real-time strategy
  • Full-contact sport
There are two teams:
  • Each team has a General.
  • Each team builds their own Fort out of cardboard boxes, hiding a Flag inside one of the boxes.
  • Each team must destroy the other team's Fort and capture their Flag.

What you need

Here's what you need to be ready for battle:

People

At least twelve people, total, must be playing. The smallest number of people per team is debatable, but fewer than six is probably going to give you problems.

"The more the merrier" absolutely applies in Ultimate Team Cardboard Fortress Battle.

Supplies

There are two categories of supplies. Fortunately, they're both easy.

Things everyone needs to bring

Wear clothes you can get dirty. The word "battle" is in the name for a reason!

Everybody who shows up must bring the following things:
  • A white t-shirt
  • A colored t-shirt
  • As many flattened cardboard boxes as you can carry
  • At least two rolls of wide masking tape or packing tape
    • Don't bring duct tape; too hard to destroy

Things one person needs to bring

One person should be responsible for bringing some other stuff, which breaks down into two categories:

Battle-related items

  • For the Generals:
    • At least three athletic whistles
    • At least two hats of proper distinctiveness
  • As Flags:
    • At least two easily-recognizable scraps of cloth
  • If the Converter variation is being considered:
    • At least two headbands

Logistical support

  • For cleanup:
    • Lots of twine and a couple pairs of scissors
  • Just in case:
    • A first aid kit

Where to play

Is there a big field in your town? Go there. You're gonna need space.

Playing the game

Here's how it goes down:
  1. On the appointed day and time, everybody shows up.
  2. Flattened boxes are made whole and 3D.
  3. Boxes are split into two piles.
  4. Generals are chosen, by whichever method seems appropriate.
  5. Two teams are chosen.
  6. From the two piles, the teams construct their Forts, and hide their Flag in each.
  7. When Forts are complete, the two teams meet in the middle of the field and sit down.
  8. Each General delivers a two-minute Braveheart-style battlefield address to their troops.
    This pre-battle activity is non-negotiable; Generals unwilling to deliver a speech must relinquish command to a worthier teammate.
  9. The two teams return to their Forts. A location for the penalty box is agreed upon (usually near noncombatants).
  10. Game on.
  11. Battle goes in rounds: five minutes on, five minutes off, until the victory conditions are satisfied.
  12. Victory conditions are satisfied; glory to the victors, honor in defeat to the vanquished.
  13. Cleanup time. Or play again, if everyone's up for it. Then cleanup time.
  14. (optional) Party.

Details

Here are the details you need:

Fort construction

How you build your Fort is entirely up to your team. These are the allowed materials:

  • The cardboard boxes everyone brought, or fragments thereof
  • Masking tape or packing tape
    • Again, no duct tape; too hard to wreck
  • Ingenuity and cunning

Hiding the Flag

These are the rules of the Flag:

  • The Flag cannot be hidden on a team member's person.
  • The Flag must be hidden somewhere within your Fort.
  • The Flag cannot be hidden inside a box that's been entirely wrapped in tape, like a mummy.

Roles

Everyone on the field will fit comfortably into one of these roles.

Noncombatants

There will always be those who stand and watch. Those people are needed to do a few things:

  • Timer. Someone needs to make sure battle goes in rounds of five (5) minutes, and that there's a five (5) minute break in between each round. Give this person an athletic whistle.
  • Penalty Box Watcher. Someone needs to make sure people are doing their count of 120 when they're in the penalty box, which is explained below.
  • Stuff Watcher. Before battle begins, all combatants have to shed their glasses, watches, wallets, cellphones, and anything else that could get broken or messed up. All that stuff will probably go into a pile that someone should keep an eye on.
  • Action Photographer(s). The more of these there are, the better.
  • Battle Referee(s). If the game is big enough, some people may take it upon themselves to roam the field and make sure the opposing armies battle with honor -- no illegal moves, observing the 3-count, going to the penalty box, etc. UTCFB doesn't need these refs, strictly speaking, but sometimes they're nice to have around.

Combatants

We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he today that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition:
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whilst any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.
- King Henry V, Shakespeare, Henry V (IV, 3)

Both teams should be composed of equals in rank and number, except for one person: the General.

The General

The General is basically the team captain, and is free to lead their team in whatever way they desire.

Before battle begins, Generals should be issued a hat and an athletic whistle.

The General's only formal duty is to wear the hat and deliver the pre-battle speech before their team.
  • The pre-battle speech is non-negotiable; any General unwilling to do the speech must relinquish their office to a worthier teammate.
  • The pre-battle speech need not necessarily be original material.
  • The only requirement is that it be awesome.
In battle, the General differs from the rest of the team in only one way: if the General is tackled and pinned for the required 3-count, the round ends instantly. The General should then blow their whistle, signaling the end of the round. At that point, the five-minute break period begins before another round can start.

Before battle: what to do with your stuff

Everyone arrives on the field with a bunch of stuff that they shouldn't have on them while battling. This includes:

  • Glasses
  • Cellphones
  • Watches
  • Wallet
  • Keys
  • Jewelry

All that stuff needs to be taken off and put in a safe place that a noncombatant can keep an eye on.

Battle

Each team must prevent the destruction of its Fort and the theft of its Flag by taking the other team's members out in battle.

The rules of battle are simple:

  • The first rule of UTCFB is: You aren't allowed to fuck up anybody but yourself.
  • Battle consists of tackling and grappling; the goal is to pin someone's shoulders to the ground for a 3-count.
    • A 3-count is counting to three; it does not necessarily mean three whole seconds.
    • Pinning someone only counts when they're face-up; pinning someone's shoulders to the ground when they're facedown is both inadvisable and illegal.
  • Once someone is pinned, they must go to the penalty box for a count of 120.
    • A 120-count is counting to 120; it does not necessarily mean two whole minutes.
    • When the 120-count is done, the combatant must first touch their own Fort, or the remains thereof, to be considered back in play.
  • There is no punching, kicking, slapping, biting, or anything else unpleasant allowed.
    • A rear naked choke hold, for instance, is dangerous and illegal; someone caught in such a maneuver should tap their assailant's forearm, and their assailant should release immediately.
  • No outside weapons are allowed.
  • Double-teaming, triple-teaming, or any assault maneuver up to and including an all-team dogpile are completely permitted strategies as long as nobody gets seriously hurt.
  • Battle should be self-regulating; all combatants are expected to behave with honor and dignity.

Rounds of battle

Battle lasts for rounds of five (5) minutes, or until the General of a team has been tackled. A noncombatant will usually time the rounds and the breaks; give this person an athletic whistle.

When a round is over, a break period of five (5) minutes begins. Teams can use this time to do what they must, which usually includes:

  • Taking a breather
  • Repairing the Fort to the best of their abilities
  • Hiding the Flag somewhere else
  • Reformulating battle strategy

Tackling the General

When the General of a team is tackled and pinned for the required 3-count, the round is over. The General should blow their whistle, battle should cease immediately, and the break period should begin.

Victory conditions

The conditions for victory are simple. Your team has won when:

  • The enemy Fort is in ruins.
  • You have taken their Flag and brought it back to your Fort, or the center of your Fort's ruins.

When the game is over

After the cessation of battle, both teams are encouraged to form a line behind their General and do that thing where they pass each other and give a series of hi-fives, saying "Good game," because that's what should happen when two worthy teams face each other in battle.

Cleaning up

Before the teams leave the field, everyone should grab twine and scissors and make bundles out of the flattened cardboard boxes that litter the field. These bundles can be taken to a recycling center, a dumpster, or saved for some unknown bonfire-like purpose.

Optional tweaks and variations

There have been a few tweaks and variations that have been proposed and/or tested; use them or don't. It's a free country.

The Great Outdoor Fight

The Great Outdoor Fight takes place before teams are chosen, and can be used to choose Generals, as well as assess everyone's general battle skills. The Great Outdoor Fight uses the same battle rules as UTCFB proper.

  • There are no teams.
  • There's no time limit.
  • The last person standing wins.

To begin The Great Outdoor Fight:

  1. Everyone stands in a circle facing outward.
  2. Everyone takes ten steps straight ahead.
  3. The whistle blows.
  4. Fight!

The victor may win the right to be a General and choose the opposing General, or simply win the right to choose who both Generals are going to be if s/he doesn't feel like being one. It's up to you.

Combatant role: Converters

Converters are a combatant role for UTCFB proper. Each team has one (1) member wearing a headband, known as the Converter. If the Converter tackles and pins you for the requisite 3-count, you are now on his/her team for the duration of the round; don't go to the penalty box -- go change your shirt. Be advised that Converters themselves can also be converted.

Sudden death

It's entirely possible that both teams may become exhausted by battle. In this case, sudden death mode can be invoked pending the agreement of both teams and their Generals:

  • There is no battle in sudden death mode.
  • Both teams begin the round touching their own Fort.
  • At the whistle, each team runs to the opposing Fort.
  • Each team should devote itself utterly to tearing apart the opposing Fort and finding the Flag.
  • The first team to find the opposing team's Flag wins.
    • The Flag doesn't have to be brought back or otherwise moved; it simply has to be found and brought out into the light.

More than two Forts

It seems at least theoretically possible to have more than two Forts if the number of expected players is large enough. In this case, all rules are exactly the same, with the following tweaks:

  • Players should be told to bring shirts of a specific color, i.e. white, blue, black, red. Armbands can also be employed.
  • The game is over when only one team remains standing with its Flag uncaptured.

Notes

And now for some unofficial observations about gameplay.

Tackling the General

This may seem like a nonsense rule at first, but consider the following scenario: your team is getting their ass kicked. The enemy swarms upon your Fort and it seems likely that they'll find your Flag at any moment. You can make them all stop fighting and leave your Fort immediately; all you have to do is tackle and pin their General.

Conversely, your team should be aware who the enemy General is; you may want to consider issuing a standard order not to engage the General in serious battle if things are going well for you -- how you keep the enemy General occupied is up to you.

Double-teaming

This may seem unfair, but consider that any team is likely to have at least one really huge or really tough guy. Nobody is going to be able to deal with that dude singlehandedly; you've got to form a team and take him down, or just keep him busy. It is always possible to do this honorably.

Ultimate Team Cardboard Fortress Battle is © Jon Sung. By agreeing to play by the rules, players acknowledge that they're responsible for their own actions and automatically forfeit the right to sue Jon if someone gets hurt or something. Remember the first rule of UTCFB.




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