• Arts & crafts
  
  
• Real-time strategy
  
  
• Full-contact sport

• Each team has a General.
  
  
• Each team builds their own Fort out of cardboard boxes, hiding a Flag inside one of the boxes.

• The site of each Fort.
  
  
• An imaginary or actual demarcated area (circular, square, whatever) of reasonable size, designated the Penalty Box.

• As many cardboard boxes of reasonable size as you can carry (collapsed)
  
  
• Around three rolls of wide masking tape or packing tape (no duct tape)
  
  
• A white t-shirt you can get dirty
  
  
• A colored t-shirt you can get dirty

Combatant Roles

1. Each team has only one General, to be chosen by vote or lot or whatever feels like the thing to do (one way to settle this question is through THE GREAT OUTDOOR FIGHT -- see below).
   
   
2. The rest of the team is up to the General to organize, be it a whole bunch of regular grunts or a loose hierarchy of subcommanders or some other thing.

Noncombatant Roles

1. Somebody needs to watch over the pile of watches, cellphones, eyeglasses, wallets, and other personal junk all the combatants are going to shed (explained below).
   
   
2. Somebody else needs to watch the Penalty Box just to make sure everyone's doing their 120-count (explained below).
   
   
3. Somebody also needs to actually time each round and the intervening five-minute breaks; this duty can be assumed by one of the roles described above if desired.
   
   
4. Anyone else who for whatever reason doesn't feel like mixin' it up with all the people should bring cameras and be photojournalists. This is the sort of thing you probably want to take lots of pictures of.
   
   
5. Large matches of UTCFB may benefit from having some people roaming the field acting as referees in case some combatants somehow forget how to count to five, or how to find the Penalty Box.

Rules and Gameplay

1. The number one rule of Ultimate Team Cardboard Fortress Battle: You aren't allowed to fuck up anybody but yourself.
   
   
2. Okay then: Choose teams by whatever method seems the most interesting or expedient.
   
   
3. Each team must then assemble the boxes and build their Forts.
   
   
4. When hiding the Flag, any gambit agreed upon by both sides is valid, such as nesting boxes within each other.
   
   
5. The only prohibited Flag-hiding strategy: Placing the Flag within a box entirely sealed with tape. That shit is just unfair.
   
   
6. Before gameplay can begin, everyone needs to empty their pockets of keys, cellphones, watches, wallets, and anything else that might get damaged or hurt somebody. Eyeglasses should be removed. The giant pile of junk can be placed under the watchful eye of a noncombatant (role described above).
   
   
7. Each team's goal is to reach the Fort and tear it down with their bare hands; to leave no box atop another; to leave no box intact in the search for the Flag.
   
   
8. Before the start of combat, each team will get two (2) minutes for their General to deliver a battlefield address, Braveheart style or what have you. Embellishment and histrionics are encouraged. This rule is non-negotiable; Generals who are unwilling to make their speech must forfeit their office.
   
   
9. No weapons are allowed; likewise no punching, kicking, slapping, biting, or anything else you wouldn't really want done to you. Remember the first rule of UTCFB.
   
   
10. Combat between the soldiers of each team consists solely of tackling and grappling.
    
    
11. When a combatant pins another combatant to the ground for a count of five (5), the loser must go to the Penalty Box and remain there for a count of one hundred twenty (120). Upon completion of the 120-count, the player is back in the game.
    
    
12. When re-entering the field of battle after a stay in the Penalty Box, combatants must first touch their own Fort before resuming wartime duties.
    
    
13. Double-teaming, triple-teaming, or any other sort of multiple-man maneuver up to and including an all-team dogpile is completely permissible. This is mostly just in case one team has one huge guy on their side, but be advised that any sort of multiple-man maneuver will cost your team the use of those resources. Careful!
    
    
14. Combat between individuals is to be regulated via the honor system; people caught violating the above rules will be kicked out of the game and probably made fun of for being jerks.
    
    
15. Combat between the opposing teams will last for rounds of five (5) minutes. Between rounds, teams are expected to effect repairs to their Forts as best they can and strategize internally toward the other team's utter annihilation.
    
    
16. The interval between each round should also last five (5) minutes, to avoid dishonorable death by exhaustion.
    
    
17. Should the General of a team be tackled and pinned for the requisite 5-count, the round ends instantly.
    
    
18. The game is over when both of the following conditions are satisfied:
    
    
    • One team's Fort lies in ruins.
      
      
    • That team's Flag has been captured (the enemy Flag has been brought to the capturing team's own Fort, or the center of the remains thereof).
    
    
19. Wagers of a monetary, gustatory, sexual, or other nature concerning
    
    
    • The ultimate victor of the game
      
      
    • The number of rounds required for a team to win
      
      
    • The precise nature of the victory
      
      
    • Etc
      
      
    are encouraged, though be advised that no official governing body has been created to see that wagers are fulfilled. Gamblers will need to self-regulate, in accordance with time-honored custom.
    
    
20. By agreeing to play by the rules, players acknowledge that they're responsible for their own actions and automatically forfeit the right to sue Jon if someone gets hurt or something. Remember the first rule of UTCFB.
    
    
21. CONVERTERS (optional role): Each team will have one (1) member wearing a headband, known as the Converter. If the Converter tackles and pins you for the requisite 5-count, you are now on his/her team for the duration of the round. Be advised that Converters themselves can also be converted.
    
    
22. THE GREAT OUTDOOR FIGHT (optional warmup mode): Before teams have been chosen, players may choose to warm up/test each others' battle skills by participating in this pre-game variation.
    
    
    • No cardboard.
      
      
    • No Forts.
      
      
    • No teams.
      
      
    • Same combat rules as above.
      
      
    • When you're out, you're out.
      
      
    • No rounds. It goes until one person is left standing: The winner.
      
      
    • Only one person can win THE GREAT OUTDOOR FIGHT.
      
      
    This warmup can also be used to choose Generals. The winner of THE GREAT OUTDOOR FIGHT may be chosen to lead, or may win the right to choose the day's battlefield commanders. It's up to you. Maybe vote on it or something.