Dogs 358-365

I think we've all been here. You're just sitting there, minding your own, when all of a sudden it occurs to you how many other people on the planet are probably right this very second pooping, or opening a can of Coke, or saying the word "the," and that's when you realize that you are completely out of drugs.


Have you ever wanted to ask someone "Even if you got it, would you know what the hell to do with it?" confident that they didn't have a ready answer? I'm positive I'm not alone in this.


Of course reincarnation is for real. If anyone ever asks how you know this information, have them take a look at this champion right here. If that's not the face of a dude who has done good work in the past and needed a little break to just chill out and goof the fuck off, then nothing anywhere has ever been true for even a second.


You know that song by Rilo Kiley, "Hail to Whatever You Found in the Sunlight That Surrounds You"? Yeah, I'm not sure why it just started in my head, either. Weird.


Six or seven pictures of this guy I took, and this was the closest one to decent. One look at that parking meter pole probably explains it; I think he figured that if he quit moving, all life as we know it would stop instantaneously and every molecule in our bodies would explode at the speed of light. Ghostbusters was a documentary, you know. It's time you were told the truth.


There's something about going to a place where all the old regulars hail your arrival with enthusiasm and ask you earnestly how you're doing when you pull up to the bar. Those don't happen very often, so take the opportunity to soak in it when you can.


All I can think about is how for some reason it looks like you could just scoop the front guy up with one arm and just fling him over the nearest tree, and he'd just sort of float to the ground at about a quarter the speed you'd expect. The one behind him you'd need a forklift to move an inch. That's not a commentary on laziness so much as contrast.


I remember saying a while ago that the reason people want a dog is that at some point in their lives, they've wanted a stuffed animal to come to life and be their pal. I am now here to tell you that it is possible to take this too far. You know those people who collect dolls? Strange, creepy, perfect dolls with too-combed hair and clothes precisely crafted and aligned just so? That's weird, is all I'm saying.