TINY UNRELATED ITEMS

Just two, really:

- I was wrong before about the legacy of Antipresident Bush. You know what it actually is? This. That is perfect.

- There's a spot behind my left ear that's putting out a very low-watt pain signal, and hurts when touched. What could I have possibly done to that part of my skull? It is a mystery.

HIGHLY PERSONALIZED KNOWLEDGE

Lessons learned from this weekend:

- It is always worthwhile to make time to hang out with your people.

- Somebody has to be the guy who gets everyone who isn't in a band out of the green room; this is what we call a "necessary evil."

- Painting a kitchen is surprisingly easy if you break it down into manageable subtasks.

- Nobody is working at the ticket counter or the security line at LAX until about 4:50am.

SOMEONE MUST BE PREVENTING THIS

I'll admit that I download a lot of music. I like to think I support the bands I like by going to see them at shows, and occasionally buying something from them.

It would be a lot easier if every band had a button on their site that said "TIP JAR" that I could just click to send them a buck or two, or whatever amount I felt like. I would actually do this. It seems to me that they'd get the same amount of money from me that way, as opposed to me buying a physical CD I'll only use once and forget about.

I did this when In Rainbows came out. I grabbed it for zero dollars the first time, then listened to "Reckoner," went back, and paid Radiohead five bucks. I'm sure I wasn't the only one.

Why not do this for all bands, all the time? It can't be that complicated to set up. My guess is that record companies are preventing it somehow, for no other reason than that I can't think of any other possible cause; it seems like nobody in the music industry has figured out what this whole internet thing is for yet.

I CAN SEE IT ALREADY

You know how the skull and crossbones is a symbol that basically says "PIRATES!" in any language, and is simple and memorable and easy to draw even if you have zero drawing skill whatsoever?

There needs to be a similar symbol that says "SCIENCE!" that we can put on flags and shirts and stickers and patches. It needs to be something iconic and instantly recognizable. Graphic design people, please get on this.

The eventual goal is to have a fleet of zeppelins with this symbol on them flying above the country at all times. Periodically, scientists hover above college football fields and drop down on zip lines with things they've concocted in their floating labs:

"Here, a regenerative stem cell treatment for spinal accident victims!"
"Behold, a method for isolating hereditary cancer genes!"
"I have here a fusion reactor that will fit in the basement of a standard home!"

After delivering their discoveries, the scientists clip automated ascenders onto the ropes and zip back up to their blimps, which float ponderously away, their hulls declaring "SCIENCE!" to every pair of eyes for miles around. Don't tell me it wouldn't be fucking awesome.

Unrelatedly, I updated the Dogblog for the month. It's an Inauguration Day gift to you, and you, and you. And you.

THERE'S YOUR LEGACY, MOTHERFUCKER

Most of the news headlines I'm reading in passing talk about Bush "defending" his 8-year tenure as Antipresident.* Not "commemorating" or even "remembering" -- the word they use is "defending." That right there should tell you everything you need to know about how history is going to remember this asshole.

* I'm making a note here to research something: the Antichrist is part of what branch of Christian mythology? Like, do just Catholics think there's an Antichrist, or is that an Episcopalian thing or whatever? In any case, "Antipresident" seems like the only halfway applicable title for W if you think about it.

BECAUSE WE NEED MORE NAMES FOR THINGS

I'm getting over a slight cold, and for no reason that I can pin down, it's occurred to me that life would be a little more interesting if we had more Lovecraftian names for afflictions like these.

"I'm calling in sick today, guys; got a bad case of the Crawling Chaos."

"Where's Joe?"
"Couldn't make it. Got a cold."
"What kind?"
"Lurker From Below."
"Shit, man."

I know I'm the only one who thinks this. That's okay.

GENTLE LITTLE LIES

Has anyone else ever wanted to make up a fake bit of accepted public knowledge and see if it'll take hold, or is that just me? Two nights ago at Cafe Du Nord, I wanted for some reason to start spreading this one:

Most of the urinals in men's bathrooms have a small ceramic sculpture of a cartoon leprechaun near the drainage holes; it provides a target for drunk or clumsy customers to concentrate their aim upon. Thus, you may often hear men refer to taking a piss as "drowning the leprechaun," i.e. "I'll be right back, I gotta go drown the leprechaun."

I don't know where this urge comes from.