YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME

I don't care if this is old news. I present to you my proof that "Reckoner" alone was worth paying Radiohead $5 for, back during the download days of In Rainbows: Gnarls Barkley covering it. And it's still awesome. I always wondered if it would be possible to pull this song off without Thom Yorke's eerie falsetto; it turns out that it is, but the catch is that you have to be able to sing like Cee-Lo.

PROBABLY INEVITABLE

I got a Facebook request today from someone or something called "Judith Barugel". I don't know what it says about me that the following things made me suspicious:

- 0 friends in common
- Picture of a cute girl

Where I come from,* that usually means spam. This is what the world has come to, people. But then again, you knew that already.

* the internet

YOU'RE KIDDING ME

I've spent a shameful portion of today watching "I Love the New Millenium" on VH1* -- admittedly, while I was doing some arts/crafts, but still. While the credits for one episode were rolling, they would show commercials for some upcoming thing, and I saw a commercial promoting something or other for some bullshit cookie-cutter radio-rock-sounding band called ... Thriving Ivory? Really? Thriving Ivory? First of all, that is maybe one of the worst band names I've ever heard, and I am a man who did not listen to Neutral Milk Hotel for at least two years because of how dumb that name was. But second, did not a single person out of the band, the band's friends, the management, the marketing, the tour staff, or anybody at all even remotely associated with this group say "Hey, you know what? 'Thriving Ivory,' uh, kind of sounds like a white power kind of thing, don't you think? Guys?" Holy fuck, that's hilarious. I'm going to ask my band if we can rename ourselves Kill The Darkies and see if that gets us some action.

Also: Dogblog update. That happened, too.

* Incidentally, I like that this is how they got around the problem of "what the fuck do we call this decade -- the Zeroes? The Aughties?"

CURIOSITY TAKES HOLD

Semi-serious questions that came to me this morning after looking at a sketchpad left out by the boyfriend of one of my housemates:

- Is there a guild of tattoo artists?
- If there is a guild of tattoo artists, is there a test of some sort to get in?
- If there is a test, is there a written portion?
- If there is a written portion, is one of the questions "How much do you like skulls? A whole lot, or just a bunch?"

OTHER CAR ISSUES

This morning I saw a pickup truck with a vanity license plate that read "SOCUCHA". What the hell is that supposed to mean. The only guess I can make is that it must not be an English word. Maybe it's a name? Man, fuck you, license plate, because you are clearly not doing your job.

Other question: sometimes I park in a garage near my office. It costs $14 to park there. Do I tip the dudes when they bring me my car out of the depths of their building at the end of the day? I know it's considered customary for valets at like a hotel or something, but this is just a daily parking garage. Also, it costs $14 -- I cannot imagine these dudes aren't making solid bank just on the baseline charge. I haven't observed anyone else tipping either, so I'm assuming it must not be required, but what if this garage is just frequented by assholes? And I'm one of them? Help me out here.

IMPORTANT QUESTION OF THE DAY

My belt issue is being put on hold until I can get to an REI and check out Sonia's assertion. This will happen on Saturday, I think.

When I'm making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I always spread the jelly first. For some reason I feel like there's less PB/J cross-contamination on the knife this way. Do you do it that way too, or am I the only person who pays attention to that sort of thing?

Yes, I realize there is ultimate PB/J cross-contamination inside the actual sandwich, but I feel like it's important to keep the knife somewhat less so. I have no idea why. I'm willing to accept that this may mean I am crazy.

LAZYWEB BELT

I am a man whose waist is the wrong size for his belt. If I go to N holes, it's too tight. N-1 holes is too loose and I feel like my pants are going to fall off.

The solution: one of those skater belts with the teeth.

The problem: all of them are covered in crappy bullshit designs.

I'm trying to find one on the internet that:

- Has the buckle I want
- Is plain black

This is turning out to be trickier than I thought because I can't seem to find the right search terms. Internet, can you find for me a belt that satisfies these requirements. I have included a handy illustration that shows the type of buckle I'm looking for; I got one of the bottom kind a couple of days ago at an army/navy, and it's not quite as convenient as I thought it would be.

STILL UNENTHUSIASTIC

Today is a day for talking about cartoons.

I guess that Clone Wars movie is out today? I don't care about the Clone Wars even a little bit. Fuck the Clone Wars.

1. We know how they turned out. It was called Episode III.
2. We already had a Clone Wars cartoon. Remember that Genndy Tartakovsky cartoon about the Clone Wars? It was called Clone Wars. Yeah.

I know I've said this before, but what I would really like to see is an animated series about the Dominion War. I know we know how that shit turned out, too, but imagine for a second how nice it would be to have new Star Trek material that took place in a familiar era, with new characters and guaranteed action & adventure. Does nobody else live in the same universe I do.

I DON'T KNOW WHY THIS IS

This sounds too good to be true. All it does is arouse suspicion in my glands. Not sure why. I think it's the "Not available in stores!" thing. Why do this.

I didn't know J. Michael Straczynski wrote for this show, though, nor that Maurice LaMarche did the voice of Egon. Of course, these names are only meaningful to me now, not to my kid self.

VARIOUS STATES OF FAILURE

Three personalized license plates witnessed on the drive to work today:*

1. Black BMW of some sort? "COLIN C". Really. I guess everyone knows whose car that is now. Good job. I'm not sure if this plate rates above or below the ones that say things like "JOES TOY" on my hatescale.

2. Gray Lexus: "TEDHEAD". I cannot conceive of the set of circumstances necessary to cause another human being to think this was an acceptable choice for a license plate to put on their personal vehicle.

3. Silver Corolla or similar small car: "MLN FLCN". This was indecipherable to me until I saw the "Jedi Academy" sticker on the rear windshield. It makes sense, right, but don't you think "MLM FLCN" would've been better? Maybe it was already taken.

* I drove today because I've got to meet some people after work in a place and time that precludes the use of my bike.

STOCKPILING

So Kraft makes this roasted red pepper Italian salad dressing* that is ridiculously good. This, of course, makes me immediately suspicious that it'll be taken off the market without warning (something that happens with regularity to the aftershaves I tend to choose), so I'm buying extra bottles of it whenever I find myself at a Safeway. Mine is the only rational response to this world.

* It says something about the usability of their official website, btw, that I had to resort to googling and linking to an Amazon page for this product

DORMANT PRIORITIES

I am comfortable admitting that I gave up what would otherwise be a prime parking spot here in my neighborhood because I know a hawk likes to perch more or less above it. I would not really call myself a dude who is vain about his car from an appearance standpoint, but this hawk does not shit on things -- it paintbombs. I chose to avoid this. That was a choice I made.

SPIN PALS

One of the people who works near me has three of these guys on her desk. I have no idea what it is that does it, but if you set them all spinning at the same time, it puts a smile on your face that's hard to get rid of. They're just so irrepressibly jolly.

There's a lesson here. I just don't know what it is.

A FEW THINGS

- It rained very briefly here in San Francisco sometime last night. How about that!

- Given the cost of fuel and air pollution, does it make sense to maybe outlaw the use of leafblowers unless they're the electric kind? Whatever happened to just using a rake or a broom, anyway?

- I just discovered a long, thin, shallow scratch on the underside of my right forearm, right where a cut would be if I suddenly decided to ~~+XendX XitX XallX+~~. I do not remember the cause of this scratch even a little.

MORE OF A STEW THAN A SOUP, REALLY

I'm learning to restrain my boundless love of potatoes when making myself chicken soup from scratch, but it's still a process. Is it just that I'm not using enough broth? Two cans seems like a lot to use, but when I throw in all my ingredients, it turns out not to be a lot of liquid. Maybe I just need to use more, huh.

I'm not really complaining that hard; soup's kind of impossible to fuck up even if it gets fucked up, you know what I mean?