I BELIEVE IN YOU

People, we've all had that feeling where we don't think we have what it takes to make it through the day, or the week, or life itself. I am here to tell you that someone out there believes in you. And that someone is a bunch of pictures of kittens.

You're welcome.

TEST POST

We switched hosts in the middle of the night. I'm just checking to see that this works.

NO BETTER WAY

Those of you who have allergies: Do you ever get that thing where the roof of your mouth (specifically the area near the back of your throat) itches? Don't you goddamn hate that? I've taken to just sticking a finger in my wide-open mouth and scratching at the relevant area with my nail. It actually does seem to help, though I wonder if someone hasn't already made a pill or a spray that deals with this by now.

DEVELOPING AN IRON TONGUE

Right now as I sit here at my computer I'm eating an order of spicy fries from Java Restaurant on Clement and 5th -- one of many that a bunch of us purchased last night as part of a takeout extravaganza. I think it's possible it may have gotten hotter somehow. But I will not be defeated by mere capsaicin. I have a water bottle that I refilled with milk from the company fridge (I think it's meant for coffee).

I LOVE THESE DAMN FRIES EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE JUST ABOUT AT THE LIMIT OF MY SPICE CAPACITY RIGHT NOW

On the plus side I think my sinuses are going to be clearer than they've ever been in my entire life.

I INVOKE THEE, LORATIDINE

Allergies again. Took an Alavert. Nothing that grows from the ground can stop me or even temporarily contain me.

WEDNESDAY BONUS THREE-PACK

1. The weather from the past week or so has convinced me that there is definitely something going on atmospherically above I-280 right where it hits 92, around the Eugene Doran Memorial Bridge. I always notice that the temperature seems to drop when I pass it if I'm headed north, or rise when I'm headed south. This permanent collision of warm/cold air masses would also explain why that seems to be where the cutoff for rain exists. I remember bits and pieces of 8th grade Earth Science!

2. Whenever I walk into the post office in the Presidio, I smell chlorine. I suspect it's from whatever they use to clean the place, but my first instinct is always to think they're hiding a swimming pool in there somewhere.

3. I may have brought this up before, but you know how Christianity (or maybe just some version of it) has the concept of the Antichrist? How successful would a campaign to name Bush the Antipresident be? Can I start it anyway? I can't think of another president who's done so much damage in such a short time to so many people both here and abroad than that dude. I don't mean to get all political on you, I just think this is a totally stellar idea.

RIGHT AFTER ALL

That maybe-cold I talked about yesterday probably was allergies, or maybe my immune system is getting better at taking colds down before they start. Either way, false alarm.

I took some melatonin to get to sleep last night and had a dream that I was in a really fast, windy boat race that took place inside a gigantic mall that was experiencing an internal thunderstorm. I forgot how awesome melatonin dreams are.

STAY TUNED

I'm going to be completely honest in this blogpost and say that the runny nose and sneezing I attributed to allergies all day may not in fact be allergies. I only say this because I feel just a little bit like I usually do when I have a cold. Just a little. Maybe it's just the allergies really asserting themselves.

We'll find out tomorrow morning when I wake up for my run. Jog. No, run. It feels weird to call it "running," since I'm not particularly fast, but "jogging" sounds to me like something middle-aged investment bankers do while wearing sweatsuits. I wear track pants and a hoodie and an iPod Nano. I am different.

MYSTERY SIGNIFIER

This morning on the drive to work, the tip of my nose was itching a lot. This is unusual because that part of me basically never itches. Did it mean something? You know how when sometimes someone shivers for no reason, they'll say "Must've been a goose walking over my grave" or something like that? What's it mean when your nose itches for no reason?

- Someone tried to send email to that defunct Hotmail account of mine

- An Argentinian is talking about me

- The particles of last week's chicken tikka masala have finally reached the ocean

- etc

I'll get to the bottom of this sooner or later.

TWO UPDATES

1. I have just returned from the usual open mic night at the Bazaar Cafe, at which I played the usual two songs plus backup on violin for my buddy Shawn, who rightly received pretty big ups for his cello and vocal skills. Skillz. You know what I mean. It was a good night.

2. That toilet I mentioned in the upstairs bathroom at my office was still broken as of today.

Have a good night. Or day.

A PROBLEM NO ONE HAS

Question: When was the last time you were walking around with your cellphone and decided you needed to download a song or a music video onto your cellphone for immediate playback? Is your answer "never"? That's probably what everyone's answer is. I have zero desire to download music onto my fucking phone or watch a music video on a tiny, ridiculous screen smaller than my palm. I don't think anybody has that desire.

Here's an idea: Instead of making up stupid crap like "V-Cast," how about fixing things so my calls don't get dropped while I'm talking to people and moving simultaneously. There are at least two (2) spots on I-280 between Mountain View and San Francisco where a conversation can be reliably predicted to stop dead due to my phone losing signal.

How about that.

TOO ... TOO MUCH CHOICE?

I'm having a lunchtime quandary. Too many options. What to do.

- Burger
- Sandwich
- Chicken product/fries
- Cheap Chinese
- Massive burrito

All this because I forgot to buy bread so I could pack a lunch. I need to remember to buy bread later.

By the time you read this, I will have probably solved my problem.

NEWMINOLOGY

This is mostly the fault of Jeffrey Rowland, whose mind is responsible for the following completely excellent new terms for "the internet":

- The world-wide infoshitter

- The cyber blogodrome

Now I'm trying to find new terms for "mind." So far I have:

- Brain playground

- Idea stadium

- Cogitation station

The relentless hunt goes on.

I HAVE OBSERVATIONS AND OPINIONS

- I like Late Registration more than College Dropout, but the excellence of the beats and production makes the contrast with Kanye's sub-par rapping skills that much starker

- The mysterious Cheddar Bacon Tato Skin clones marketed by TGI Friday's are no longer available in the work vending machine nor at Target

- There's a toilet in the upstairs bathroom that's been "out of service" for nearly two weeks now; how the hell hard is it to fix a corporate toilet

- My ideal world includes a solution to factory farming wherein large quantities of animal muscle tissue are grown in nutrient tanks and then either wired apart or flash-frozen and chopped up with tools (this spares everyone the moral burden of having to raise an actual animal in subpar conditions and then kill it)

- Sometimes there is no better drink than water

- The fourth item is neither observation nor opinion, really, but I felt like mentioning it anyway

- How about that

SISYPHEAN FOR REALS

Let's add to my list of things that prevent me from doing my business in the bathroom right now. The current list contains one item: "When a dog is present."

The new item is: "When the janitor is in there."

I went into the upstairs office bathroom just a few minutes ago to conduct a brown transaction, and I had to divert to the downstairs bathroom because the janitor was in there. Leaving aside the fact that I still find it oddly uncomfortable to do it while there's someone else in the room, I think it's just cruel to make a mockery of the guy's efforts to keep the place clean while he's still in there.

I suppose I could look at it as simply affirming the man's job security, but maybe my brain just doesn't work that way.