WHO KNEW LAST NAMES COULD REVEAL SO MUCH

Maybe I'll just have to make this a Friday thing until Lore takes it down, if he ever does.

- Hurrigan & Yuill: Vampire hunters who just aren't good at it. Hurrigan's beer belly slows him down considerably, and Yuill's mountain-man beard makes him too conspicuous. The only reason they're still alive is because the vampires need them around to practice their "slower" vampire children on.

- Mormile & Hampe: An undertaker odd couple: Mormile is an alien who took human shape and is using the cadavers to study our anatomy in depth. Hampe's a good-natured foreigner who's not quite bright enough to realize what Mormile is; he just thinks all Americans are like that.

- Northup & Finkley: Alaskan wilderness guides who have a weird preoccupation with weasels. Sure, they'll show you how to make camp and navigate by the stars, but they'll also spend inordinate amounts of time trying to make you an expert at tracking "the noble and elusive snow ferret."

- Montilla & Shepardson: You know what? I just see two women in business suits. One's a realtor, and the other's a property lawyer. They can't all be weirdos, it seems.