BEYOND CLASSIFIED

I've had a lot of conversations with cab drivers that have ranged from the amiably mundane to the delightfully erudite. The one I had just a few hours ago, however, takes the cake. It takes all possible cakes. If you are looking at or contemplating cake, the ownership of the cake is not in question: It belongs to this conversation.

INFORMATION I LEARNED FROM MY CAB DRIVER (DELIVERED IN COMPLETE EARNESTNESS, WITHOUT A HINT OF IRONY OR SELF-AWARENESS)

- "Chemtrails" in the sky above metropolitan areas -- similar to contrails -- are evidence of a plot by the New World Order that uses crop dusting aircraft to blanket said metro areas with aerosolized Prozac, aluminum, and beryllium in order to keep the populace anesthetized and complacent.

- Thirteen families secretly control the world, including the Rockefellers, the Rothschilds, and the Medicis (he called them the "Medicinis," but I read between the lines a little). It's unclear whether these comprise the New World Order or the Trilateral Commission (more on that below).

- The Trilateral Commission is an organization dedicated to global domination through the establishment of three massive conglomerated fascist states: The United States of the Americas, the United States of Europe, and whatever Asia is supposed to be.

- The Bush family has been ruling America for the past five generations, financed by Nazis, who were in turn bankrolled by the (Jewish) Rothschilds, who by the way initiated the Holocaust in a (successful) attempt to drive the Jews toward the territory that would eventually become Israel.

I cannot emphasize enough that this was delivered to me in completely reasonable, conversational tones from a man in his 40s who drove a cab for a living and truly appeared to be a functional, even amicable human with all his brains in his head despite clearly having been positively steeped in, well, some dodgy information. Let's just call it that for now.

I guess I just have to wait for the black UN helicopters to come take me away. We didn't get that far, but I think that's the next logical step, isn't it? I wonder if the Mossad figure into this at all. I can only wait and see, I suppose.