THE SMOOTH HIGH WALL OF COWARDICE

Pretty much everybody has celebrity crushes. Brad Pitt. Angelina Jolie. Jude Law. Scarlett Johansson. Etcetera. Mine happens to be Kari Byron from the awesome Discovery Channel show Mythbusters.

Let's make this quick: During a recent lunch, I found out she's in the June issue of FHM. I soon found myself at a location where that magazine is sold (not that there's a shortage of those), and picked it up.

But I didn't buy it. I ... I couldn't.

Kari Byron, if you are reading this, I am sorry. You are still my Ideal Woman, but a $5 price tag combined with the fact that I'd actually have to present a copy of FHM at the register and say "Yes, I am paying money for this magazine" defeated me utterly. FHM. Plus you were only in it for like four pages. I am my own worst enemy.

However

If anybody has a copy of that issue they came by for free (maybe you have a little brother, or work at a bookstore, or do janitorial services for a frat house), I would not object to you sending it to me. I just could not justify that purchase.

On second thought, I hope Kari Byron isn't reading this.